lies are loud, truth is humble

not speaking runs counter to ego because the illusory self feels a constant need to assert itself.

if the belief in ego as the ultimate source of identity is to be perpetuated, a constant level of noisemaking must be maintained; otherwise, what existence would our fabricated identities have? it is thoughts, whether externally voiced or internally recorded, that are used to construct the highly complex and ultimately false body of evidence that, as long as we continue offering worship to, keeps us alienated from the simple experience of truth.

truth is that which doesn't require theatricity but is already (and immutably) real. as opposed to illusion, we don't have to do absolutely anything in order for truth to be real. nothing we do or fail to do, nothing that happens or fails to happen, can make reality any more or less real. in silence, then - the backdrop of which is always present - truth emerges of its own.

truth is not some philosophical concept or unattainable goal. it is very personal and very relevant. it is what we are.

losing all and getting everything in return

the spiritual quest is not one of striving to bring about or attain truth, but of allowing truth to reveal itself as it already is.

one fundamental misperception we suffer under in the quest for spiritual realization is that enlightenment must be gotten, as if it were some kind of accessory that can be added on to pre-existing identity structures. in this fantasy we'd become supercharged versions of our same basic selves; new and improved in certain respects, but maintaining the same old foundational belief in our intrinsic being as existing separately from everything else.

in other words, we'd like to have our cake (holding on to our belief in separate selfhood) and eat it too (experiencing the clarity and peace of enlightenment). these conflicting drives can keep us in a potentially endless loop where seemingly sincere spiritual striving is sabotaged by the underlying fear of letting go of erroneous yet intensely familiar interpretations of reality.

often as spiritual seekers, rather than being willing to give something up, what we really want is to get more. this is simply an extension of the same impulse that tells us we need a newer car, bigger house, better hairstyle. the impulse to get more, to have new things - material or spiritual - is based upon a fundamental resistance to things as they are. this resistance is exactly what keeps us separated from the actual experience of enlightenment, which is nothing more than the realization of what we really are and the accompanying understanding that what we previously thought ourselves to be was a misperception - an illusion.

in a certain sense, realization comes at a price. we must sacrifice our illusory beliefs before the blinding veil can be dispensed with and things revealed as they truly are. in feeding our fantasies we remain blinded to the truth, but they have become so familiar to us that giving them up can be extremely difficult. the problem is that we have become so identified with the illusion that we believe it is what we are, and letting it go seems tantamount to losing ourselves - in a sense, dying.

gaining real spiritual insight involves a radical process of letting go, not necessarily of material possessions (that would make it easy) but of our very foundational beliefs about who and what we are. our mind-made identity is what's nearest and dearest to us. it's the hardest thing to give up, but it must be surrendered in order to break free from the trap of egoic consciousness. the very thing we'd most like to hold on to (or to be more accurate, what we most fear letting go of) is the very thing that's holding us back from enlightened awareness.

paradoxically, when we become motivated by enough faith and courage to let even our most foundational beliefs about self evaporate (in other words, to release absolutely everything by dying to our moment-to-moment conception of self as we know it), at the very moment when it seems we will indeed evaporate, die, and forever disappear into oblivion, our limited egoic consciousness dissolves into a larger awareness that acknowledges itself as inseparable from everything - as one with all that is.

can't think your way out of it

real peace isn't felt until direct, unequivocal contact is made with the reality of one's essence. when that happens, the racetrack experience of life - where there's always somewhere to get to, where everything is just a means to an end and has no value of itself and a constant, dominating tension keeps one raggedly plunging ahead - gives way to a much more settled existence.

in the natural state of being, each moment is the culmination of experience and need not be compared to the past nor assessed with regard to the future. each thing is complete in itself. everything is the reason for everything, is self-fulfilling. no excuse is needed for happiness; nothing need be brought back from the past nor attained in the future.

past and future have no inherent reality and exist solely as waking dreams conjured up by the mind. the present isn't a brief flicker of experience sliding toward us from the vast expanse of the future and getting chopped up and departmentalized into the enormous filing cabinet of the past - the present is the entirety of experience.

one of the most pervasive and damaging illusions that hold sway over the human race is that the present moment is all but insignificant compared to the vast, opposing reaches of the past and future. at best, current paradigms see the present as a means to an end. there's always some destination to be arrived at, and the present should be sacrificed for the promise of the future. even the past - which at the time was not good enough, not honored - often becomes romanticized in hindsight and given more value than what we have now.

what a ridiculous and clearly insane way of dealing with experience. this timeline theory, with a long line stretching back to represent the past and a long line stretching forward to represent the future - and only a tiny dot to designate the present - is a devastatingly unempowering illusion to subscribe to because it reduces the source of all power to insignificance. to the mind, the linear theory of time seems - and thus, is - real. but the mind deals only in apparent realities and has no way of directly apprehending truth. the timeline experience is an illusion that arises when the mind erroneously becomes the locus of identity.

the belief in reality as linear time is analogous to the belief in the world as flat. judge only by what your senses tell you and it's natural to think the world just goes on in a straight line and suddenly drops off. look only to the content of the mind for an explanation of reality and, naturally, the succession of past-present-future seems real. gain a broader context (that is, step off the planet or step outside the mind) and both "realities" are seen to be perspective-dependent viewpoints with only relative validity.

humanity has always invented stories as a way of coming to terms with how and why things happen, but we have never had the humility to admit that at the time. instead, we elevate our stories to the status of realities - and quite vehemently. only when looking back at past generations have we been willing to say things like, "well, during that period humans were ignorant. they didn't have the knowledge or technology we have now so they invented a god for the rain, a god for the sea, and a god for the sun to help them understand why natural phenomena took place."

we can't see (or are not willing to) that the method of using anthropomorphic gods to explain things has simply given way to the so-called "scientific method," and both are just stories we tell ourselves - presented in a fashion digestible for the times - to escape from the fact that the mind has no way of knowing what's going on. understood correctly and put to its rightful use, the mind is not the be-all end-all of identity and experience, but a subsidiary instrument with limited purpose and application: a bridge between our unmanifest reality and the temporary play of forms it projects much like a dream.

so far, there has been a failure on the part of humanity as a whole to acknowledge this. we're hellbent on proving that reality can be encompassed by the mind. there has been a failure to embrace the "no mind" element of our selves; the truest part, the root, of what we are. because it cannot be grasped or seen or fixed in ink on a page, it seems a terrifying possibility to consider. so we keep sustaining the belief that someday we'll bring reality to the mind: "we haven't quite gotten it yet, but we're getting closer. we know we were wrong then, but now we're really on to something."

too timid to look outside the boundaries of mind, too timid even to admit these boundaries exist and stepping outside them is a possibility, humanity remains locked within the limited confines of mind-apprehended reality. the paradox is that our inability to step outside the mind is rooted in fear and keeps us living in fear. similarly, past generations were afraid to go sailing off into the horizon for fear of falling off the planet. for a long time this kept them from discovering the earth is round and no falling off is possible. once this was discovered, however, the fear of falling off simply evaporated because it was seen to be based on illusion, and further exploration became possible. (this may be an oversimplification of history but serves for analogy's sake.)

our basic fear as humans is that of nonexistence. it's what makes us afraid to step outside the mind; we believe we'll fall off into oblivion. we want to know reality, but we want it to fit within the familiar confines of the mind - to have our cake and eat it too. we want to transcend our suffering while holding on to the source of it. this hesitancy to give up our familiar positionalities keeps us locked in place. the mind can't touch what we are because it is contained within what we are. ultimate truth cannot be rendered into a format intelligible to the mind. it is experienced directly at all times because it is reality, but in order to sense this, focus has to be taken off the mind.

you can't think your way into truth; using thought as a way of apprehending reality is what keeps you mired in illusion. you can't think yourself out of illusion; more of what got you there in the first place isn't going to get you out of it. thinking is just not part of the solution. you have to break the hold thought has over you and feel your way into your basic truth. to do this you need no method, no technique, no collection of thoughts. these are the things keeping you separated from what you already are.

finally, thought is not even the problem. it's investing our thoughts with the sense that they're something more than just thoughts. it's thinking that somewhere within these thoughts we're going to find something that somehow will pop out of the realm of thought and give us something permanent. a thought will just lead to another thought, which will just lead to another thought. in a similar way, objects acquired in dreams cannot cross the threshold into waking experience and attain the status of material reality.

but the truth of what you are, which is indefinably good and once realized brings an end to mind-made suffering, is always here regardless of what goes on within the mind. as such, the possibility of realizing it is ever present. just take the focus off the mind and feel what else is here.

no opposition, no battle, no victory

truth is all-inclusive. reality has no opposite. illusion can only be illusion.

no battle is possible between truth and falsity. the real needs no defending, no wining; it's already real.

the ebb and flow between "good" and "bad," "war" and "peace," "freedom" and "slavery" in human society only denotes the collective level of truth-awareness regarding the fundamental sameness of our true identity. acknowledging this reality gives rise to the natural and spontaneous expression of love, peace and happiness; ignoring it brings fear, conflict and suffering.

even in a world in the grip of ignorance, truth hasn't "lost" because it is utterly impossible for that which is real to be displaced by that which is not real. it hasn't "won" either - it simply remains true.

the "battle" between truth and falsity can only take place in the imagination of the human psyche. one can become more or less aware of truth, but reality remains intact in either case. if everyone knows it, it's true. if nobody does, it's still just as true.

on a societal level, a tremendous amount of energy is required to maintain the structures of ignorance in place. by contrast, truth will always remain true and emerges of its own once the mechanisms of resistance break down or are no longer seen as credible. as long as the machine is running smoothly and continuously, however, illusion can hold sway over the masses.

why not? as long as the reel is spinning, we can immerse ourselves in the movie and practically forget we're sitting in a dark room surrounded by a bunch of other people, silently staring up at a screen. but the mechanisms better work; if the sound fails, the projector breaks down or someone in the audience causes a commotion - the spell's broken.

similarly, a continuous process of distraction is required for that which is self-evident and true to remain out of human awareness. we can blame the abundance of distractions in society on "THEM" or we can blame it on human nature, but who cares where responsibility lies? to dwell on that is simply a waste of time.

the object here is not to hunt down whoever's responsible and make them pay. righteous indignation and the desire for vengeance are some of the ego's juiciest positionalities and only serve to further entrench us in unconscious reactivity and misery. playing the "victim" role is just another excuse to avoid responsibility and justify squandering our actual potential.

it's sufficient to realize that while one is presented with ample opportunities for distraction and idleness, the choice to bypass these convenient, familiar diversions and reach for what's eternally true is always available. the transition from a life of cyclical discontent to one grounded in fulfillment, peace and the simple joy of being is not only a real option but represents the natural state of existence.

when we're no longer enthralled by the pictures on the screen, a return to the awareness of truth is inevitable. one need not enter into battle with unreal projections because doing so merely keeps one entangled in them, endowing them with apparent validity. once they're recognized as illusory, there's obviously no need to oppose them.

indeed, fighting against illusion implies adherence to it, just as a man screaming "you're not real! i refuse to believe you're real!!" at a character on a movie screen suffers from a hallucination despite his resistance to it.

in this sense, what's conducive to the growth of spiritual awareness is not wining battles over the particulars of one's life - which at the time may seem real enough - by engaging in direct confrontation, but to rise above limitations, bringing about recontextualization and transcension through a simple yet powerful shift in perspective - a shift that takes place in and of itself when we cease to resist illusion and choose to be inspired by truth.

when death implies victory

the ego wants external things as part of an unconscious drive to fulfill its inherent sense of lack. this feeling of "not-enoughness" is intrinsic to the ego, which in essence can be defined as a mechanism designed to perpetuate the non-recognition of formlessness as true identity.

there's a funny paradox here. the ego knows it needs something - anything - to bring about completion, satisfaction, rest, and it seeks it out in as many varied ways as there are forms in the world. it projects its need to identify with things onto anything, big or small, that seems suitable at the time. it comes from the assumption that if you put enough pieces of the puzzle together, finally you'll arrive at a complete picture and be content.

the paradox is that the whole reason behind the ego's drive to complete or save itself is its very own existence; when the ego comes apart, completion is realized as the natural state of being.

usually, when an organism is sick beyond its ability to repair itself, potential solutions are available externally and if applied correctly have the power to bring about healing and a restoration to the normal balance of things. the inability to find and apply the necessary external remedy results in death, which in this context implies failure.

in the ego's case - if for analogy's sake we take it to be a self-perpetuating psychological organism - the situation is completely reversed: what keeps it alive is the very act of unsuccessfully seeking out and applying remedy after supposed remedy (some of which may provide a temporary sense of completion), when the only real solution (de-identification with form) would bring about its death - which in this case would imply victory!

the ego is just that: an unresolvable need to find something that doesn't exist, the process itself of reaching out for more regardless of what one has, of wanting something different regardless of what is. what the ego seeks cannot be found because it wants something external to identify with that will finally make it complete. this is obviously impossible! what one is is what one is; it's already the case and doesn't need to be pieced together, found, thought up or somehow manufactured (through a spiritual practice for example) to be made real.

it's possible to be unaware of this reality, and what precludes that awareness are none other than the continuous ego-processes: self-definition through identification with thought and emotion; reliving the past and projecting into the future as a form of self-seeking; chronic resistance to what is, regardless of what that may be.

coming back to the puzzle image, picture a child confused into believing that who she is lies fragmented somewhere among countless puzzle pieces scattered across her playroom floor. her sense of desperation grows as she draws from one puzzle set after another (all of which have been confused into an unrecognizable mess), never sure if she's pursuing the right image but, in her panic, too afraid to stop her mad grasping.

imagine the profound relief, peace and joy brought on by the sudden realization of the simple truth: "oh my god! i've been playing with toys all along! i am already here, regardless of what happens to these puzzle pieces. they are irrelevant to who i am." now that the puzzles are no longer invested with the absolute seriousness of representing who she is, the child can actually enjoy them as they were meant to be - as games meant to produce joy, not suffering.

this is why we often hear about the response to spiritual awakening being a great, incredulous laugh. wouldn't you respond similarly if you suddenly realized you'd been seeking your identity in puzzles - toys! - when in fact the truth of who you were was always complete, readily available, obvious and infinitely simpler than the illusion you'd fallen into?

can't get what you can’t not have

if you’re seeking final truth it’s critical to accept that what you have now – or more accurately, what you are – is exactly what you’re searching for.

the you you think you are is a fabrication, and what you truly are is what the you you think you are thinks it’s seeking. no matter what the invented you does, it remains a fabrication; and what you truly are remains immutably true. as you can see, ego seeking truth is as unresolvable a situation as a dog chasing its own tail.

illusion, no matter what its configuration, doesn’t yield reality. could anything you do in a dream make it become real? or change the fact that you’re actually snoring away in bed? illusion can neither add up to nor subtract from the truth; it can only act as a distraction.

adding to and modifying your dream character will only result in… additions and modifications to your dream character. a legitimate activity in and of itself, but it won’t produce enlightenment.

so how do you realize truth? by ceasing to chase its conceptual mirage through the dreamscape and allowing it to sink in of its own accord through non-identification with everything you aren’t – which, until the spark of unmistakable recognition sets flame to the bonds of illusion, includes everything you think you are.

learning vs. self-defense

real growth can result when we choose learning over self-defense. this involves the willingness to accept the imperfect nature of our ego, which consists of an endlessly complex network of illusions, reactions and attachments.

initially, accepting this imperfection is difficult because of our level of identification with the ego; acknowledging its limitations seems tantamount to declaring ourselves "unworthy" or "bad."

with practice, however, sincerity towards the unproductive, unjustified and destructive habits of the ego is tremendously liberating and helps cultivate a healthy sense of humility and humor (there's great freedom in being able to laugh at the ego's foolish nature, in not taking it too seriously).

as we begin to assess our ego objectively, identification is naturally withdrawn from it. facing its limitations no longer entails a defeat but instead represents a victory in that we come one step closer to unearthing the unconscious programs that have been running our lives and concealing our natural propensity for happiness. we begin to clearly perceive a difference between our aware nature and the automatic, unconscious responses of the ego.

"being right" and "being perfect" is no longer a life or death matter once we realize that we are not our ego. when we're right, we win absolutely nothing; when we're wrong, we're not diminished in the slightest. realizing this takes pride out of the equation, allowing us to shine the light of awareness on aspects of our ego we had previously blinded ourselves to.

the pettiness of refusing to acknowledge the limitations of our ego is a huge price to pay for a self-defense mechanism that only serves to keep us entrenched in unconsciousness and suffering. bringing our limitations to light, on the other hand, can become a truly joyful act in that it facilitates the dissolution of yet another obstacle to true peace and happiness.

freedom is the base

on top of which we have the habit of placing limiting structures. we then perceive these structures (which couldn't exist without the base of freedom) more than the base itself. we take the ground for granted and look for freedom elsewhere. we're experiencing bondage within the context of freedom.

different types of bondage will come and go, but freedom will always be there. bondage is said to be an illusion because it's invented. everyone suffers a different brand of it, depending on their past experience and conditioning. one person might see through the lies of another's way of self-enslavement, but remain blind to his or her own.

when it comes down to it, the jail-like structures we construct around our inherently free nature are pretty mundane; what's enslaving us at the moment might be as simple as a worry over our unsatisfactory behavior last night at a social gathering. they're also constantly in flux, so that today we're oppressed by the demands we place on ourselves as we push a cart through the supermarket.