learning hurts

there seems to be a big tendency not only in spiritual circles but in all areas of life to strive for "optimal" states of experience. in spiritual life this takes the form of desiring blissful states of meditation, wanting to project a peaceful vibe, being continually tempted to introduce one's "uncommon" and presumably superior spiritual beliefs into the everyday marketplace of "common" ideas, and so on.

when something is elevated as superior above anything else you can be sure delusion is at work. if you sense a strong preference within you to avoid certain states and gravitate towards others (to cling stubbornly to one side of life, to a limited slice of experience), this probably means the things you're trying to avoid are exactly the things that need to be faced in order to come to a more realistic reckoning of yourself.

truth is all-encompassing, and what that means in relation to this discussion is that it can't be realized by turning a blind eye to the things you find most problematic in life. truth certainly isn't revealed if you dwell long enough on the things you find easiest; these are the things you don't need to work on, the things you've already figured out. it feels good to rest in these areas, but when we're ready for real growth to occur once again we have to set out on roads we haven't yet become familiar and comfortable with.

this is harder; it often hurts, and something within us (the inertial force of belief in personal selfhood) rails against it. idleness is the name of the game for ego: "let everything remain as it is. just keep doing the things you're doing now... and guess what? i'll even compromise: as long as you do the things i need you to, i'll let you believe anything at all you want to believe."

this broaches a tricky subject: "doing" vs. "not doing" in the context of awakening, or the idea that "change has to occur" vs. "nothing needs to change." in a sense, both are true: truth is already the case; nothing needs to be "done" or to "change" in order for it to be true, obviously. but in the context of the realization of this truth that is already true, something does need to be done; something most certainly must change. this "doing" and this "change" occur at levels that don't affect or bring about truth itself; the only impact they have is on a person's awareness of it.

so what needs to be done and what must be changed? to arrive at the unequivocal realization of truth, one must discard, in turn, each obstacle that separates one from this realization. what changes when this is achieved is one's comprehension of the reality of one's nature, and by extension the nature of all other beings, and by extension the nature of reality itself.

when this shift occurs, one can say without a sense of paradox that everything has changed and nothing has changed. truth was always there. it's been doing its thing long before buddha or anyone else came along and recognized the fact that it was staring them right in the face. so, nothing has changed. on the other hand, the experience of being completely lost in a delusional view of reality certainly differs from the experience of shedding this delusion - and this is a gradual process, despite sudden leaps that occur from time to time - and aligning oneself with how things actually are. so, everything changes.

but this is all quite irrelevant from the perspective of one who is still fighting the uphill battle of shedding the larger part of one's delusional views. what really matters at such a point is not to wonder about how far others have gotten, or how nice it must be for them to be where they are, but to look straight down at where one is and deal with the obstacle that sits right between one's eyes. life will let you know one way or another what that obstacle is, but it's important to remember that it won't always be something you'll be overjoyed to address. it's hard to approach the muck and gore of ego structure. since we're still identified with ego, seeing these things literally hurts because we think it reflects negatively upon us. learning and growth often hurt at the moment they're taking place, but if we're not willing to sacrifice our complacency we can't expect any real progress to occur.