lost in the wilderness of mind

to be consumed by mind-identification is like being lost in a vast and alien wilderness. there is a constant urgency to "go somewhere," to "find something"... to arrive finally at a comfortable, non-threatening place. nearly every landscape we encounter, however, has a feeling of unfamiliarity (or "not-right-ness") attached to it, and much of the time we suffer from an underlying sense that - despite being surrounded by the people and places we're familiar with - we ourselves are caught in a strange and unsettling inner space.

in devoting the main thrust of our energy or awareness to the mind, our experience naturally becomes defined by the attributes of mental functioning. we lose ourselves in the infinitely complex labyrinth of thought in all of its forms: memories, speculations, fears, desires, regrets, obsessions... we become desperately entangled in the mental "story of me."

just as we can sit and concentrate heavily upon the physical sensation of inhabiting our body and thus temporarily experience ourselves as primarily a physical entity, by concentrating our awareness upon the mind we experience ourselves as primarily a mental entity. the difference between the two is that focusing awareness on the physical sensations associated with inhabiting a body brings us into the present, real moment (raising our consciousness out of the thorny entanglement of mind-identification), while devoting our energy to the mind only furthers our entrenchment in a delusional perception of reality.

the "answer" to our mental search for truth lies beyond the mind; it is wordless, thoughtless. it is revealed in the midst of utter silence because it is the felt experience of what we are. no concept, belief or theory is needed to "bridge the gap" between the state of existential ignorance and innate knowingness, because no such gap exists. when a person is said to experience awakening or realization, change only occurs at the level of awareness, not at the level of being (i.e. one realizes what one always was, as opposed to one becoming something one wasn't).

so to return to the first idea addressed in this post, a return from the unsettling wilderness of mind-identification is possible - but not by taking the right turns or seeking out the correct mental landscape. further engagement in the mind's labyrinth - regardless of the intention behind it - can only solidify the attachment of consciousness to mind. what's called for instead is a disengagement from the mental perspective; a "pulling back" from the world of thought and an abidance in the context of silent awareness.

this is often difficult to do because it feels like "quitting" on one's problems. the temptation to resolve all of the knots - which in actuality don't need resolving in terms of self-realization since the mind is not who we are - holds one back. it is a gravitational force that's difficult to overcome. once achieved, however, a powerful rupture in the consciousness-mind entanglement takes place, and with practice it becomes easier to recede from the highly specified context of mind-identification to the more encompassing context of silent awareness.

the counter-growth effect

as one's physical body is incresingly affected by the energy shifts associated with spiritual development (which in itself is characterized by the gradual undoing of the ego), the ego is quick to grab hold of seemingly extraordinary feelings and experiences and interpret them so as to attribute undue importance to itself.

"see?" it says, "that was VERY special. when have you ever felt anything like that? probably no one you know has ever experienced anthing like it." if these words hold sway, spiritual growth is being stunted or reversed in the name of ego inflation.

at certain stages, spiritual progress begins to effect strong changes in one's level of consciousness. this inevitably yields "extraordinary" experiences, which are actually only extraordinary from a previous standpoint and indicate nothing more than growth.

naturally, the ego will claim responsibility for these experiences. if this tactic isn't seen through, one can get lost in the delusion that one is more important than others and plummet back into the ego's gravitational force.

from a spiritual standpoint, it's helpful to remember that one will never be any more or less important than one ever was, or anyone or anything that ever was, is or will be. if notions such as "more," "less," "importance," "deserving," "wining" and "losing" can be put aside, spiritual growth will have much more space in which to operate.

constant constriction

the feeling in your body is a surprisingly influential determinant of your mental state. your thoughts, in turn, are a powerful determinant of the feeling in your body.

if you're constricting yourself to reality in your thoughts, your body constricts itself as well. if you open and relax your body, peace enters your mind.

constriction creates fearful thoughts and unpleasant feelings in the body. opening is an incredibly pleasurable experience in body and mind.

this is why through your body you can gain wisdom and through wisdom a beautiful, well-functioning body.

most people practice constriction most of the time and only open and relax during sleep or as occasional exceptions, even if a practice specifically aimed at opening - through meditation, massage therapy, yoga - forms part of their daily lives.

although it may seem counterintuitive, constricting is complicated and requires constant effort, while opening is simple and natural. what's initially difficult is learning to stop the habit of mental and bodily constriction, which in most people has gained a considerable amount of inertia.