forcing vs. allowing

how stressful it can be when we try to force ourselves to be how we or others think we should be. it's a struggle that can't be won; in forcing, we create the very conditions for confusion and resulting unsatisfactory behavior.

if we can look back to the times in our life when we've been happiest with ourselves and correctly pick out the common factor, we'll see that these were times when we were on a roll, when things just came naturally to us in a spontaneous way.

the difference between censuring ourselves to fit a pre-established idea of how we want to be and honoring our true inner state is the difference between forcing and allowing. in forcing, we suppress our nature and spontaneity.

perhaps it's the belief that if we just passively "allowed" nothing would happen that spurs us to forcibly project certain character traits we've decided are appropriate in any given situation. but actually, when we release the pressure of having to put on an act and live up to expectations, our natural spontaneity is given the space it needs to emerge.

certainly, the move from forcing ourselves to be someone to allowing ourselves to be what we are requires a leap of faith. what stops us from releasing the tension we feel is necessary to maintain a presentable image to society is the fear that we'll become a boring, inert, near-dead vegetable - when in fact the opposite is true.

cheating ourselves

what usually ensues the brief, indignant struggle against being cramped into someone else's frustratingly limited conception of who we are is a resigned submittance to the behavior we're expected to reproduce.

as we grudgingly play out the roles we've entrapped ourselves in, gaudily painted faces smiling forcefully on a stifling stage, we internally hate ourselves for cheating our inner voice again and again.

the behavior we choose to perpetuate

we think we have a personality. we think we can do certain things, and can't do others: some things we do fall within the realm of our personality and if we do them, we're being ourselves, being sincere. some things don't, so if we do them we're being fake, pretending.

the truth is we're always pretending. or, we're never pretending, because behavior is irrelevant to what we are, is not the determinant of what we are. the truth of what we are is there, existing perfectly in every moment, independently of our body type, hair color, verbal or body language, the way we talk, the music we listen to, the way we tie our shoes.

as long as we hold on to the idea that our behavior determines who we are, there will be a great internal battle, a constant tension. there will be an exhausting fight to control our thoughts and actions, to make sure we adhere to the "person" we want to be.

sadly, this fight will never come to a conclusion because there can be no victor. there can be no victor because what we are is not a "person" but a "presence." if the person we want to be fights against the person we are, attention is taken away from our simple nature of impersonal presence.