just be

let's cut the crap, shall we? there's something right there on the edge of your awareness. something you can't quite pin down. you can feel it tickling the back of your brain, tugging at the corners of your memory. you've been very close to realizing what it is time and again, and every time you approach it, every time your entire life converges on a single point and your whole consciousness expresses itself as one unutterable question, you feel you're just millimeters from some monumental, yet incredibly familiar realization - something you know will make you scream out in recognition, as if you've finally solved life's riddle: "THAT'S it!"

that's right! and it's always been there. nothing you have ever done has made it any more or less real. it will always be there, seen or unseen. and it will always be known, acknowledged or not. it is inescapable. it will be there as you brush your teeth. it'll be there while you take a shit. it won't go away when you scream in traffic, and it won't be any "closer" when you're sitting in silent meditation.

it's not a question of what actions you choose to engage in or renounce. it's a question of what decision you choose to make: will you lose yourself in specifics and increase the force of forgetfulness, or will you accept that this trip ain't gonna last forever and behave accordingly? will you inhabit what you are even if it doesn't look like what you've been taught to be, or will you keep ignoring what is so tremendously obvious (what may be too simple and self-evident, in fact, to be regarded as important)? life goes on either way.

i don't know

all this talking and thinking we do about spirituality must at some point recede into the background as the diversionary jabber that it ultimately is. it's very valuable up to a point, but no amount of it will ever add up to a direct encounter with the very intimate and immediate experience of truth - an experience which is available to one and all as a natural birthright regardless of spiritual or philosophical disposition.

mental definitions are cozy because regardless of their accuracy - and they always prove to be inaccurate sooner or later - they give us the feeling that we've got reality just where we want it. they provide us with the false sensation (at least at a very superficial level, and even then not all of the time) that we know what's going on and are in control. for this reason, we cling to definitions as if we were clinging to life itself.

but there's an immense freedom in saying "i truly do not know." while this may seem like a paralyzing statement to make, it in fact creates the space within which an alternate approach to experiencing life - one that doesn't involve pinning things down with the mind - can be forged. this recognition is the first prerequisite to true wisdom.

the supermystical power of loving the ordinary

spirituality is often sold as a journey of epic proportions full of incredible experiences and - if you're really lucky and extra special - even the promise of mystical powers. and who wouldn't love becoming some kind of superhuman? there's probably not a single person on the planet who at some point hasn't fantasized about it.

but what a disappointment when those who have been seduced into spiritual practice by the lure of escaping their boring daily lives and becoming something more than what they are now find that legitimate spiritual discipline involves exactly the opposite: being content with what is and realizing what we already are (basically, not demanding any changes from life).

after all, what's innovative about striving for something outside of ourselves to achieve happiness? whether we're looking beyond our immediate experience in hopes of getting a new possession, altering our present circumstance to better fit our desires, securing a higher social status, or attaining enlightenment is of relatively little significance. in each case, we're telling ourselves that what we have now isn't good or complete enough and withdrawing our own permission to feel truly satisfied with life until we reach our goal - which is always "out there," whether it be in space or time.

despite the fact that it's very often distorted as such, real spirituality is not an incentive program. it is perhaps the only mode of living available that's not based on the philosophy of devaluing what we have now in order to arrive at a more satisfactory future.

spiritual awakening will never, ever result from overlooking what is. because what is?

reality!

and how can you know reality without coming face to face with it? how can you ever even come close to knowing something if all you're doing is not only ignoring it, but actively running away from it?

working towards incentives is great, but not when it comes to your intrinsic sense of happiness and contentment towards life. if your basic sense of completeness and satisfaction depends on getting something other than what you have now, knowing something other than what you know now, or becoming something other than what you are now, you're screwed. you'll never get there. you'll keep on grasping and grasping and never be one inch closer to happiness.

the good news is, you'll never be one inch further away from it either. happiness is simply realizing what you are and being at peace with that (and you will always be what you are no matter what behavior you engage in, or fail to engage in for that matter). not superficially of course, as in "i'm a sensitive guy who works at a bank and likes gardening on sundays." realizing what you truly are implies discarding every last layer of artificial and misplaced identification and stumbling finally upon that to which nothing can be added or subtracted - that which remains unaffected regardless of what does or doesn't happen in your life - that which cannot win or lose but always, simply, is.

it's not beautiful, it's not amazing, it's not tear-jerking. (it's not ugly or boring either.) it doesn't solve all the problems in your life, and it may even create a few new complications. it doesn't give you special powers and raise you above all the messy flotsam and jetsam of everyday life (you're still gonna have to pay your taxes and wipe your ass). people won't look at you differently after you realize it and stand in awe of your power.

it's just the simple truth, and that's all.

but it will help you fold your laundry better, and it may even make scratching your nose a more joyful experience.

absolute ignorance

when the mind is in a state of openness, it doesn't come down on one side or another, doesn't "know."

once you make up your mind about something, you won't see it except through the perceptions you've associated with it. you then might have a "revelation" and see it in a different way, simply coming down on another, equally limiting, side.

this shift wouldn't be possible if for a transitory moment you hadn't perceived in an open, unknowing way, free of prejudices, that allowed you to see something that would have otherwise been censured by your "knowledge" (fixed, pre-established conclusions).

when the mind is open and unknowing, perception is at its clearest. once the mind encapsulates something, we become nearly blind to it, reacting to our ideas about it as if they were reality.