peace is not a product

real peace (the experiential aspect of self-aware awareness) is not the product of anything. it need not be sought through achievements. it has no prerequisites attached to it. true peace is a natural state accessible to one and all regardless of circumstances. it is the unconditional, ever-present quality of consciousness resting within itself.

the perceived lack of peace, on the other hand, does come as a result of conditions. although peace is always present and accessible, it becomes obscured by mind-noise. when the mind and its stories loudly take over, the undercurrent of peace is overlooked and forgotten. all attention becomes diverted away from the infinitely fulfilling and nurturing experience of pure consciousness. distracting and often meaningless thought structures take center stage, are invested with overdue importance, and with the reference point of self-aware awareness receding from experiential memory, the experience of existential confusion and suffering sets in.

the human experience can become extremely complex and fraught with stress, yet even at its most challenging and chaotic moments the simplicity of peace has not gone anywhere. it is where it always is and always will be: here, now. the experienced absence of peace is only an illusion created by the inability - or often the unwillingness - to perceive it as the basic underlying quality of existence.

although the undercurrent of peace is profoundly simple and subtle (and therefore easy to miss), it is nevertheless extremely powerful. it is much more powerful than any product of mind since it endures absolutely everything and remains unchanged and perfectly unblemished throughout it all. it cannot be touched or altered in any way; it always, perfectly, indestructibly, is.

it is precisely this quality of permanent presence and accessibility that simultaneously allows us to take the experience of peace for granted and makes it the most powerful force in our lives. it is sadly ironic that our greatest asset is the one we most readily devalue, forget, and lose touch with.

lost in the wilderness of mind

to be consumed by mind-identification is like being lost in a vast and alien wilderness. there is a constant urgency to "go somewhere," to "find something"... to arrive finally at a comfortable, non-threatening place. nearly every landscape we encounter, however, has a feeling of unfamiliarity (or "not-right-ness") attached to it, and much of the time we suffer from an underlying sense that - despite being surrounded by the people and places we're familiar with - we ourselves are caught in a strange and unsettling inner space.

in devoting the main thrust of our energy or awareness to the mind, our experience naturally becomes defined by the attributes of mental functioning. we lose ourselves in the infinitely complex labyrinth of thought in all of its forms: memories, speculations, fears, desires, regrets, obsessions... we become desperately entangled in the mental "story of me."

just as we can sit and concentrate heavily upon the physical sensation of inhabiting our body and thus temporarily experience ourselves as primarily a physical entity, by concentrating our awareness upon the mind we experience ourselves as primarily a mental entity. the difference between the two is that focusing awareness on the physical sensations associated with inhabiting a body brings us into the present, real moment (raising our consciousness out of the thorny entanglement of mind-identification), while devoting our energy to the mind only furthers our entrenchment in a delusional perception of reality.

the "answer" to our mental search for truth lies beyond the mind; it is wordless, thoughtless. it is revealed in the midst of utter silence because it is the felt experience of what we are. no concept, belief or theory is needed to "bridge the gap" between the state of existential ignorance and innate knowingness, because no such gap exists. when a person is said to experience awakening or realization, change only occurs at the level of awareness, not at the level of being (i.e. one realizes what one always was, as opposed to one becoming something one wasn't).

so to return to the first idea addressed in this post, a return from the unsettling wilderness of mind-identification is possible - but not by taking the right turns or seeking out the correct mental landscape. further engagement in the mind's labyrinth - regardless of the intention behind it - can only solidify the attachment of consciousness to mind. what's called for instead is a disengagement from the mental perspective; a "pulling back" from the world of thought and an abidance in the context of silent awareness.

this is often difficult to do because it feels like "quitting" on one's problems. the temptation to resolve all of the knots - which in actuality don't need resolving in terms of self-realization since the mind is not who we are - holds one back. it is a gravitational force that's difficult to overcome. once achieved, however, a powerful rupture in the consciousness-mind entanglement takes place, and with practice it becomes easier to recede from the highly specified context of mind-identification to the more encompassing context of silent awareness.

learning hurts

there seems to be a big tendency not only in spiritual circles but in all areas of life to strive for "optimal" states of experience. in spiritual life this takes the form of desiring blissful states of meditation, wanting to project a peaceful vibe, being continually tempted to introduce one's "uncommon" and presumably superior spiritual beliefs into the everyday marketplace of "common" ideas, and so on.

when something is elevated as superior above anything else you can be sure delusion is at work. if you sense a strong preference within you to avoid certain states and gravitate towards others (to cling stubbornly to one side of life, to a limited slice of experience), this probably means the things you're trying to avoid are exactly the things that need to be faced in order to come to a more realistic reckoning of yourself.

truth is all-encompassing, and what that means in relation to this discussion is that it can't be realized by turning a blind eye to the things you find most problematic in life. truth certainly isn't revealed if you dwell long enough on the things you find easiest; these are the things you don't need to work on, the things you've already figured out. it feels good to rest in these areas, but when we're ready for real growth to occur once again we have to set out on roads we haven't yet become familiar and comfortable with.

this is harder; it often hurts, and something within us (the inertial force of belief in personal selfhood) rails against it. idleness is the name of the game for ego: "let everything remain as it is. just keep doing the things you're doing now... and guess what? i'll even compromise: as long as you do the things i need you to, i'll let you believe anything at all you want to believe."

this broaches a tricky subject: "doing" vs. "not doing" in the context of awakening, or the idea that "change has to occur" vs. "nothing needs to change." in a sense, both are true: truth is already the case; nothing needs to be "done" or to "change" in order for it to be true, obviously. but in the context of the realization of this truth that is already true, something does need to be done; something most certainly must change. this "doing" and this "change" occur at levels that don't affect or bring about truth itself; the only impact they have is on a person's awareness of it.

so what needs to be done and what must be changed? to arrive at the unequivocal realization of truth, one must discard, in turn, each obstacle that separates one from this realization. what changes when this is achieved is one's comprehension of the reality of one's nature, and by extension the nature of all other beings, and by extension the nature of reality itself.

when this shift occurs, one can say without a sense of paradox that everything has changed and nothing has changed. truth was always there. it's been doing its thing long before buddha or anyone else came along and recognized the fact that it was staring them right in the face. so, nothing has changed. on the other hand, the experience of being completely lost in a delusional view of reality certainly differs from the experience of shedding this delusion - and this is a gradual process, despite sudden leaps that occur from time to time - and aligning oneself with how things actually are. so, everything changes.

but this is all quite irrelevant from the perspective of one who is still fighting the uphill battle of shedding the larger part of one's delusional views. what really matters at such a point is not to wonder about how far others have gotten, or how nice it must be for them to be where they are, but to look straight down at where one is and deal with the obstacle that sits right between one's eyes. life will let you know one way or another what that obstacle is, but it's important to remember that it won't always be something you'll be overjoyed to address. it's hard to approach the muck and gore of ego structure. since we're still identified with ego, seeing these things literally hurts because we think it reflects negatively upon us. learning and growth often hurt at the moment they're taking place, but if we're not willing to sacrifice our complacency we can't expect any real progress to occur.

everything changes. nothing changes.

paradoxes abound in the arena of spiritual awakening. one such paradox involves the concepts of change versus no change, or the possibility of doing something to effect awakening versus the idea that no sum of actions can produce such a state.

while on the surface these arguments seem to conflict, in truth they run parallel to one another and describe the process of awakening from alternate and equally valid perspectives.

on the one hand, undeniable changes take place during genuine spiritual development. habitual behaviors, tendencies of mind and emotional patterns are naturally shed as love replaces fear as our prevailing experience and the cornerstone of our relationship to life. goals that previously dominated our lives fizzle out and die, and a completely new way of being and reason for existing emerges.

and yet these very real changes only take place at the level of experience, thought, action. they are the natural byproducts of an abiding recognition of that which is ultimately changeless and ever-present within ourselves. the realization that nothing true about what we are ever has, can, or will change is what - seemingly paradoxically - brings about all of the changes in behavior typically associated with the awakened state.

but the cart should not be placed before the horse, since emulating the byproducts of awakening will never produce awakening itself. it would be as if someone shaved their head and laid in bed all day hoping to get cancer. forcing ourselves to act happy and nonjudgemental is exactly the type of repressive action that keeps us cut off from a direct confrontation with our true nature.

enlightenment cannot be brought about by action, but can be allowed to emerge naturally by ceasing to engage in the particular set of actions that have obscured it from our awareness. a certain kind of action is required in order to identify and relinquish these repressive behaviors, but it comes about through a more objective and non-manipulative stance than is traditionally associated with active involvement (it is more of an "allowing" than a "bringing about").

at some point in our spiritual development, then, we must accept that: (1) awakening or enlightenment is not what we imagined it to be, has not been tailored to specifically address our deepest desires and wildest fantasies; and (2) the part we can play in the process of awakening - if indeed the desire for it has matured sufficiently within us - does not in any way resemble pretending like we're already enlightened and free of conflict. it requires us to stop pretending, which on the level of behavior can take any number of forms (many of which don't exactly coincide with the idealized image of a serene, compassionate spiritual student).

ultimately, in order to awaken we've got to cut the crap and come face to face with all the shit we've been trying to avoid our entire lives. are we ready to do that? or would we rather keep on playing the game and deluding ourselves for a while? both options are fine, but the answer shows us whether or not we're truly serious about waking up.

can't think your way out of it

real peace isn't felt until direct, unequivocal contact is made with the reality of one's essence. when that happens, the racetrack experience of life - where there's always somewhere to get to, where everything is just a means to an end and has no value of itself and a constant, dominating tension keeps one raggedly plunging ahead - gives way to a much more settled existence.

in the natural state of being, each moment is the culmination of experience and need not be compared to the past nor assessed with regard to the future. each thing is complete in itself. everything is the reason for everything, is self-fulfilling. no excuse is needed for happiness; nothing need be brought back from the past nor attained in the future.

past and future have no inherent reality and exist solely as waking dreams conjured up by the mind. the present isn't a brief flicker of experience sliding toward us from the vast expanse of the future and getting chopped up and departmentalized into the enormous filing cabinet of the past - the present is the entirety of experience.

one of the most pervasive and damaging illusions that hold sway over the human race is that the present moment is all but insignificant compared to the vast, opposing reaches of the past and future. at best, current paradigms see the present as a means to an end. there's always some destination to be arrived at, and the present should be sacrificed for the promise of the future. even the past - which at the time was not good enough, not honored - often becomes romanticized in hindsight and given more value than what we have now.

what a ridiculous and clearly insane way of dealing with experience. this timeline theory, with a long line stretching back to represent the past and a long line stretching forward to represent the future - and only a tiny dot to designate the present - is a devastatingly unempowering illusion to subscribe to because it reduces the source of all power to insignificance. to the mind, the linear theory of time seems - and thus, is - real. but the mind deals only in apparent realities and has no way of directly apprehending truth. the timeline experience is an illusion that arises when the mind erroneously becomes the locus of identity.

the belief in reality as linear time is analogous to the belief in the world as flat. judge only by what your senses tell you and it's natural to think the world just goes on in a straight line and suddenly drops off. look only to the content of the mind for an explanation of reality and, naturally, the succession of past-present-future seems real. gain a broader context (that is, step off the planet or step outside the mind) and both "realities" are seen to be perspective-dependent viewpoints with only relative validity.

humanity has always invented stories as a way of coming to terms with how and why things happen, but we have never had the humility to admit that at the time. instead, we elevate our stories to the status of realities - and quite vehemently. only when looking back at past generations have we been willing to say things like, "well, during that period humans were ignorant. they didn't have the knowledge or technology we have now so they invented a god for the rain, a god for the sea, and a god for the sun to help them understand why natural phenomena took place."

we can't see (or are not willing to) that the method of using anthropomorphic gods to explain things has simply given way to the so-called "scientific method," and both are just stories we tell ourselves - presented in a fashion digestible for the times - to escape from the fact that the mind has no way of knowing what's going on. understood correctly and put to its rightful use, the mind is not the be-all end-all of identity and experience, but a subsidiary instrument with limited purpose and application: a bridge between our unmanifest reality and the temporary play of forms it projects much like a dream.

so far, there has been a failure on the part of humanity as a whole to acknowledge this. we're hellbent on proving that reality can be encompassed by the mind. there has been a failure to embrace the "no mind" element of our selves; the truest part, the root, of what we are. because it cannot be grasped or seen or fixed in ink on a page, it seems a terrifying possibility to consider. so we keep sustaining the belief that someday we'll bring reality to the mind: "we haven't quite gotten it yet, but we're getting closer. we know we were wrong then, but now we're really on to something."

too timid to look outside the boundaries of mind, too timid even to admit these boundaries exist and stepping outside them is a possibility, humanity remains locked within the limited confines of mind-apprehended reality. the paradox is that our inability to step outside the mind is rooted in fear and keeps us living in fear. similarly, past generations were afraid to go sailing off into the horizon for fear of falling off the planet. for a long time this kept them from discovering the earth is round and no falling off is possible. once this was discovered, however, the fear of falling off simply evaporated because it was seen to be based on illusion, and further exploration became possible. (this may be an oversimplification of history but serves for analogy's sake.)

our basic fear as humans is that of nonexistence. it's what makes us afraid to step outside the mind; we believe we'll fall off into oblivion. we want to know reality, but we want it to fit within the familiar confines of the mind - to have our cake and eat it too. we want to transcend our suffering while holding on to the source of it. this hesitancy to give up our familiar positionalities keeps us locked in place. the mind can't touch what we are because it is contained within what we are. ultimate truth cannot be rendered into a format intelligible to the mind. it is experienced directly at all times because it is reality, but in order to sense this, focus has to be taken off the mind.

you can't think your way into truth; using thought as a way of apprehending reality is what keeps you mired in illusion. you can't think yourself out of illusion; more of what got you there in the first place isn't going to get you out of it. thinking is just not part of the solution. you have to break the hold thought has over you and feel your way into your basic truth. to do this you need no method, no technique, no collection of thoughts. these are the things keeping you separated from what you already are.

finally, thought is not even the problem. it's investing our thoughts with the sense that they're something more than just thoughts. it's thinking that somewhere within these thoughts we're going to find something that somehow will pop out of the realm of thought and give us something permanent. a thought will just lead to another thought, which will just lead to another thought. in a similar way, objects acquired in dreams cannot cross the threshold into waking experience and attain the status of material reality.

but the truth of what you are, which is indefinably good and once realized brings an end to mind-made suffering, is always here regardless of what goes on within the mind. as such, the possibility of realizing it is ever present. just take the focus off the mind and feel what else is here.

writers of our own experience

we are simultaneously the scriptwriter, the director, the actor and the audience of our own film, but until we realize the level of control we have over our experience we’ll continue to play out the role of helpless marionette we’ve strangely carved out for ourselves.

the ironic thing is that even when we convince ourselves that we have absolutely no control over what happens to us or around us, we're still making all of the choices - unconsciously as it may be - that determine our experience at the most subtle level.

just as when we dream we may be surprised or terrified by unreal events that we ourselves are creating at every turn.