propped up

all of the things that make us suffer prolongedly are propped up on one foundational belief: that we are a personality that needs to be defined, maintained and defended in every moment.

the situation is like a shaky jenga tower resting on one single piece. remove that piece and all of the structures above have no choice but to come crashing down, no matter how extensive or complex they've gotten.

behind the name

superficially, we think of ourselves as a person with an identity, a past and a potential future.

if we investigate deeper than the surface conviction that all we are is a personality with a name, we'll find the knowledge that this limited conception of what we are is a pretty unstable thing.

this is evidenced by the fact that we're very careful about the things we associate with: the people and ideas we allow into our lives. we know that these things will end up becoming a part of our mental construction of “us,” hence our selectiveness towards them.

our true nature, on the other hand, is always fixed and present in our lives, and requires no effort to maintain. it's what recognizes the superficial personality as not fixed, stable, or ultimately real, what observes the many changes and revisions of the “I” construct.

the moment of convincing

there is a very specific time in our lives where the pressure of society to begin creating a definite personality finally sets in.

faces grim and leaving behind the easy naturalness of childhood, we get to work carving the grooves of our lifelong suffering.

the behavior we choose to perpetuate

we think we have a personality. we think we can do certain things, and can't do others: some things we do fall within the realm of our personality and if we do them, we're being ourselves, being sincere. some things don't, so if we do them we're being fake, pretending.

the truth is we're always pretending. or, we're never pretending, because behavior is irrelevant to what we are, is not the determinant of what we are. the truth of what we are is there, existing perfectly in every moment, independently of our body type, hair color, verbal or body language, the way we talk, the music we listen to, the way we tie our shoes.

as long as we hold on to the idea that our behavior determines who we are, there will be a great internal battle, a constant tension. there will be an exhausting fight to control our thoughts and actions, to make sure we adhere to the "person" we want to be.

sadly, this fight will never come to a conclusion because there can be no victor. there can be no victor because what we are is not a "person" but a "presence." if the person we want to be fights against the person we are, attention is taken away from our simple nature of impersonal presence.