everything changes. nothing changes.

paradoxes abound in the arena of spiritual awakening. one such paradox involves the concepts of change versus no change, or the possibility of doing something to effect awakening versus the idea that no sum of actions can produce such a state.

while on the surface these arguments seem to conflict, in truth they run parallel to one another and describe the process of awakening from alternate and equally valid perspectives.

on the one hand, undeniable changes take place during genuine spiritual development. habitual behaviors, tendencies of mind and emotional patterns are naturally shed as love replaces fear as our prevailing experience and the cornerstone of our relationship to life. goals that previously dominated our lives fizzle out and die, and a completely new way of being and reason for existing emerges.

and yet these very real changes only take place at the level of experience, thought, action. they are the natural byproducts of an abiding recognition of that which is ultimately changeless and ever-present within ourselves. the realization that nothing true about what we are ever has, can, or will change is what - seemingly paradoxically - brings about all of the changes in behavior typically associated with the awakened state.

but the cart should not be placed before the horse, since emulating the byproducts of awakening will never produce awakening itself. it would be as if someone shaved their head and laid in bed all day hoping to get cancer. forcing ourselves to act happy and nonjudgemental is exactly the type of repressive action that keeps us cut off from a direct confrontation with our true nature.

enlightenment cannot be brought about by action, but can be allowed to emerge naturally by ceasing to engage in the particular set of actions that have obscured it from our awareness. a certain kind of action is required in order to identify and relinquish these repressive behaviors, but it comes about through a more objective and non-manipulative stance than is traditionally associated with active involvement (it is more of an "allowing" than a "bringing about").

at some point in our spiritual development, then, we must accept that: (1) awakening or enlightenment is not what we imagined it to be, has not been tailored to specifically address our deepest desires and wildest fantasies; and (2) the part we can play in the process of awakening - if indeed the desire for it has matured sufficiently within us - does not in any way resemble pretending like we're already enlightened and free of conflict. it requires us to stop pretending, which on the level of behavior can take any number of forms (many of which don't exactly coincide with the idealized image of a serene, compassionate spiritual student).

ultimately, in order to awaken we've got to cut the crap and come face to face with all the shit we've been trying to avoid our entire lives. are we ready to do that? or would we rather keep on playing the game and deluding ourselves for a while? both options are fine, but the answer shows us whether or not we're truly serious about waking up.

forcing vs. allowing

how stressful it can be when we try to force ourselves to be how we or others think we should be. it's a struggle that can't be won; in forcing, we create the very conditions for confusion and resulting unsatisfactory behavior.

if we can look back to the times in our life when we've been happiest with ourselves and correctly pick out the common factor, we'll see that these were times when we were on a roll, when things just came naturally to us in a spontaneous way.

the difference between censuring ourselves to fit a pre-established idea of how we want to be and honoring our true inner state is the difference between forcing and allowing. in forcing, we suppress our nature and spontaneity.

perhaps it's the belief that if we just passively "allowed" nothing would happen that spurs us to forcibly project certain character traits we've decided are appropriate in any given situation. but actually, when we release the pressure of having to put on an act and live up to expectations, our natural spontaneity is given the space it needs to emerge.

certainly, the move from forcing ourselves to be someone to allowing ourselves to be what we are requires a leap of faith. what stops us from releasing the tension we feel is necessary to maintain a presentable image to society is the fear that we'll become a boring, inert, near-dead vegetable - when in fact the opposite is true.