how stressful it can be when we try to force ourselves to be how we or others think we should be. it's a struggle that can't be won; in forcing, we create the very conditions for confusion and resulting unsatisfactory behavior.
if we can look back to the times in our life when we've been happiest with ourselves and correctly pick out the common factor, we'll see that these were times when we were on a roll, when things just came naturally to us in a spontaneous way.
the difference between censuring ourselves to fit a pre-established idea of how we want to be and honoring our true inner state is the difference between forcing and allowing. in forcing, we suppress our nature and spontaneity.
perhaps it's the belief that if we just passively "allowed" nothing would happen that spurs us to forcibly project certain character traits we've decided are appropriate in any given situation. but actually, when we release the pressure of having to put on an act and live up to expectations, our natural spontaneity is given the space it needs to emerge.
certainly, the move from forcing ourselves to be someone to allowing ourselves to be what we are requires a leap of faith. what stops us from releasing the tension we feel is necessary to maintain a presentable image to society is the fear that we'll become a boring, inert, near-dead vegetable - when in fact the opposite is true.
