losing all and getting everything in return

the spiritual quest is not one of striving to bring about or attain truth, but of allowing truth to reveal itself as it already is.

one fundamental misperception we suffer under in the quest for spiritual realization is that enlightenment must be gotten, as if it were some kind of accessory that can be added on to pre-existing identity structures. in this fantasy we'd become supercharged versions of our same basic selves; new and improved in certain respects, but maintaining the same old foundational belief in our intrinsic being as existing separately from everything else.

in other words, we'd like to have our cake (holding on to our belief in separate selfhood) and eat it too (experiencing the clarity and peace of enlightenment). these conflicting drives can keep us in a potentially endless loop where seemingly sincere spiritual striving is sabotaged by the underlying fear of letting go of erroneous yet intensely familiar interpretations of reality.

often as spiritual seekers, rather than being willing to give something up, what we really want is to get more. this is simply an extension of the same impulse that tells us we need a newer car, bigger house, better hairstyle. the impulse to get more, to have new things - material or spiritual - is based upon a fundamental resistance to things as they are. this resistance is exactly what keeps us separated from the actual experience of enlightenment, which is nothing more than the realization of what we really are and the accompanying understanding that what we previously thought ourselves to be was a misperception - an illusion.

in a certain sense, realization comes at a price. we must sacrifice our illusory beliefs before the blinding veil can be dispensed with and things revealed as they truly are. in feeding our fantasies we remain blinded to the truth, but they have become so familiar to us that giving them up can be extremely difficult. the problem is that we have become so identified with the illusion that we believe it is what we are, and letting it go seems tantamount to losing ourselves - in a sense, dying.

gaining real spiritual insight involves a radical process of letting go, not necessarily of material possessions (that would make it easy) but of our very foundational beliefs about who and what we are. our mind-made identity is what's nearest and dearest to us. it's the hardest thing to give up, but it must be surrendered in order to break free from the trap of egoic consciousness. the very thing we'd most like to hold on to (or to be more accurate, what we most fear letting go of) is the very thing that's holding us back from enlightened awareness.

paradoxically, when we become motivated by enough faith and courage to let even our most foundational beliefs about self evaporate (in other words, to release absolutely everything by dying to our moment-to-moment conception of self as we know it), at the very moment when it seems we will indeed evaporate, die, and forever disappear into oblivion, our limited egoic consciousness dissolves into a larger awareness that acknowledges itself as inseparable from everything - as one with all that is.

can't think your way out of it

real peace isn't felt until direct, unequivocal contact is made with the reality of one's essence. when that happens, the racetrack experience of life - where there's always somewhere to get to, where everything is just a means to an end and has no value of itself and a constant, dominating tension keeps one raggedly plunging ahead - gives way to a much more settled existence.

in the natural state of being, each moment is the culmination of experience and need not be compared to the past nor assessed with regard to the future. each thing is complete in itself. everything is the reason for everything, is self-fulfilling. no excuse is needed for happiness; nothing need be brought back from the past nor attained in the future.

past and future have no inherent reality and exist solely as waking dreams conjured up by the mind. the present isn't a brief flicker of experience sliding toward us from the vast expanse of the future and getting chopped up and departmentalized into the enormous filing cabinet of the past - the present is the entirety of experience.

one of the most pervasive and damaging illusions that hold sway over the human race is that the present moment is all but insignificant compared to the vast, opposing reaches of the past and future. at best, current paradigms see the present as a means to an end. there's always some destination to be arrived at, and the present should be sacrificed for the promise of the future. even the past - which at the time was not good enough, not honored - often becomes romanticized in hindsight and given more value than what we have now.

what a ridiculous and clearly insane way of dealing with experience. this timeline theory, with a long line stretching back to represent the past and a long line stretching forward to represent the future - and only a tiny dot to designate the present - is a devastatingly unempowering illusion to subscribe to because it reduces the source of all power to insignificance. to the mind, the linear theory of time seems - and thus, is - real. but the mind deals only in apparent realities and has no way of directly apprehending truth. the timeline experience is an illusion that arises when the mind erroneously becomes the locus of identity.

the belief in reality as linear time is analogous to the belief in the world as flat. judge only by what your senses tell you and it's natural to think the world just goes on in a straight line and suddenly drops off. look only to the content of the mind for an explanation of reality and, naturally, the succession of past-present-future seems real. gain a broader context (that is, step off the planet or step outside the mind) and both "realities" are seen to be perspective-dependent viewpoints with only relative validity.

humanity has always invented stories as a way of coming to terms with how and why things happen, but we have never had the humility to admit that at the time. instead, we elevate our stories to the status of realities - and quite vehemently. only when looking back at past generations have we been willing to say things like, "well, during that period humans were ignorant. they didn't have the knowledge or technology we have now so they invented a god for the rain, a god for the sea, and a god for the sun to help them understand why natural phenomena took place."

we can't see (or are not willing to) that the method of using anthropomorphic gods to explain things has simply given way to the so-called "scientific method," and both are just stories we tell ourselves - presented in a fashion digestible for the times - to escape from the fact that the mind has no way of knowing what's going on. understood correctly and put to its rightful use, the mind is not the be-all end-all of identity and experience, but a subsidiary instrument with limited purpose and application: a bridge between our unmanifest reality and the temporary play of forms it projects much like a dream.

so far, there has been a failure on the part of humanity as a whole to acknowledge this. we're hellbent on proving that reality can be encompassed by the mind. there has been a failure to embrace the "no mind" element of our selves; the truest part, the root, of what we are. because it cannot be grasped or seen or fixed in ink on a page, it seems a terrifying possibility to consider. so we keep sustaining the belief that someday we'll bring reality to the mind: "we haven't quite gotten it yet, but we're getting closer. we know we were wrong then, but now we're really on to something."

too timid to look outside the boundaries of mind, too timid even to admit these boundaries exist and stepping outside them is a possibility, humanity remains locked within the limited confines of mind-apprehended reality. the paradox is that our inability to step outside the mind is rooted in fear and keeps us living in fear. similarly, past generations were afraid to go sailing off into the horizon for fear of falling off the planet. for a long time this kept them from discovering the earth is round and no falling off is possible. once this was discovered, however, the fear of falling off simply evaporated because it was seen to be based on illusion, and further exploration became possible. (this may be an oversimplification of history but serves for analogy's sake.)

our basic fear as humans is that of nonexistence. it's what makes us afraid to step outside the mind; we believe we'll fall off into oblivion. we want to know reality, but we want it to fit within the familiar confines of the mind - to have our cake and eat it too. we want to transcend our suffering while holding on to the source of it. this hesitancy to give up our familiar positionalities keeps us locked in place. the mind can't touch what we are because it is contained within what we are. ultimate truth cannot be rendered into a format intelligible to the mind. it is experienced directly at all times because it is reality, but in order to sense this, focus has to be taken off the mind.

you can't think your way into truth; using thought as a way of apprehending reality is what keeps you mired in illusion. you can't think yourself out of illusion; more of what got you there in the first place isn't going to get you out of it. thinking is just not part of the solution. you have to break the hold thought has over you and feel your way into your basic truth. to do this you need no method, no technique, no collection of thoughts. these are the things keeping you separated from what you already are.

finally, thought is not even the problem. it's investing our thoughts with the sense that they're something more than just thoughts. it's thinking that somewhere within these thoughts we're going to find something that somehow will pop out of the realm of thought and give us something permanent. a thought will just lead to another thought, which will just lead to another thought. in a similar way, objects acquired in dreams cannot cross the threshold into waking experience and attain the status of material reality.

but the truth of what you are, which is indefinably good and once realized brings an end to mind-made suffering, is always here regardless of what goes on within the mind. as such, the possibility of realizing it is ever present. just take the focus off the mind and feel what else is here.

to not do

the maladies of a life lived in ignorance of one's true nature are multifarious and pervasive, but no matter how many forms they take or how deeply they penetrate, the source is always the same: misplaced self-identification. there exists, therefore, only one solution (truth-realization) and one way to bring it about: to stop identifying with what one is not.

how does one do that? one doesn't. one DOESN'T identify. since identity is already self-complete, identifying is simply not necessary (not to mention severely problematic). the notion of "identifying with" points to the common misperception that identity is something that must be constructed and maintained, shaped and perfected over time. as if the reality of what we are were a matter of preference!

isn't it terribly obvious that our very existence is proof positive of a root identity that was always there, long before any of our coveted opinions and beliefs came along and took center stage in our life? when we were carefree infants rocking back in our crib and plopping our big toe in our mouth, were we in fact not real because we hadn't yet crafted a personality?

in reality, the truth of what we were then is just as true now (how could it be any other way?). one thing that has changed is the development between then and now of a particularly nasty little psychological parasite known as ego.

many analogies have already been used throughout history to illustrate the withdrawal of energy from identification in order to reveal identity. a good one is that of the twisted towel: imagine turning a towel in opposing directions from either end. we can picture it building up tension, getting increasingly constricted and tangled. we can now ask ourselves what it would take to let the towel unwind and return to its natural, smooth state. more tension? obviouisly not. not even additional twisting in the opposite direction is necessary. all that's called for is a simple release, and the situation resolves itself.

what's needed here is a letting go of the activity that got us all tangled up in the first place, and the situation will resolve itself. as complicated and hectic as our present situation may be, we can't expect some big, flashy miracle or act from god to get us out of this mess. the solution is utterly simple and unpretentious: we have to stop obsessing over what we want and don't want to be and start paying attention to what we are. the former is characterized by incessant thought streams and mind plotting; the latter involves the willingness to be silent and observant along with the humility to accept that reality may be completely unrelated to what we've always believed it to be. the transition is possible if we're ready to accept that identity must be discovered, not created.

love already understands

it's common knowledge that spiritual aspirants often confuse the quest for enlightenment as a drive to obtain and assimilate new information. spiritual awakening is actually a process of simplification. it involves the removal of obstacles, which take the form of beliefs about reality. information and beliefs are not inherently the enemy, but in the context of awakening they keep us separated from truth because they distract us from direct experience.

once the process of simplification reaches a point where there are no longer enough obstacles to eclipse the light of truth, realization occurs and understanding dawns in a natural way. information that was previously studied and incomprehensible is seen in a new light. from the previous standpoint, it was simply beyond reach, just as one can't see the contours of a forest when immersed within it no matter how hard one tries. the attempt to comprehend enlightenment intellectually is merely a diversionary tactic of the ego.

if one wants to emerge from the forest, one has to start walking up the mountain. it doesn't help to sit there under the trees and wonder about what the view's like from the mountaintop, or to merely read about and discuss others' accounts of that perspective. one simply starts taking steps, and while the view at the top is breathtaking, the steps themselves are just steps; nothing spectacular.