opening eyes

opening eyes for the first time is like getting your head above water and breathing in air for the first time. after having been gone for an indeterminate amount of time, we are suddenly purely and intensely here.

in reality, we have periods of intense awareness sporadically throughout our lives, whether or not we practice to achieve them. but the nearly unbroken chain of mental identification that appears to take place within most of us most of the time can cast a surprisingly alluring spell on our attention, making us believe thoughts are indeed real and who we are is absolutely contingent upon a mental position.

accepting the presence of mental activity and being simultaneously aware of one's nature as the object-perceiving awareness rather than the object itself, life is approached from a different perspective, one that is not as strongly rooted to a limited sense of self but perceives its very essential nature as inextricably linked to everything it perceives.

when we suddenly realize that we are an aware presence encapsulated in a body with no true knowledge of why we find ourselves immersed in this human experience, we touch a true source of humility. we are ignorant to how exactly we've gotten here. it's as if we suddenly awoke within a dream and acknowledged to ourselves the fact that we don't know what this is or why we're here. we look and see with lucid unknowing. enlightened ignorance: the first step in any direction to finding out, since no answer can be provided without a question having been asked in some form or another.

while none of us will probably ever have all the answers, it is possible to arrive at a realization of one's existential, experiential nature that contrasts pretty vastly with what we may have been conditioned - or conditioned ourselves - to believe we were. being aware of one's ultimate nature as consciousness itself does not necessarily answer all questions, but with regard to one's sense of what one is it removes the need for a question to be formed in the first place. one is what one is as one feels oneself - not even that, since for one thing to feel another there has to be a perception of distinction; one firstly and primordially is, and all else comes after and falls within that.

to have a glimpse of awakeness as you're strolling from your car to work or school is like suddenly inhabiting an unsolved mystery, looking behind eyes that are as much an enigma as what they see. insects, trees, sky... what is it all? becoming passionate about finding the answer to this riddle we feel tugging on our very heartstings is the spark that will lead to a fire that will lead to a sudden flash of recognition: the recognition of something so obvious and intimate it is like we finally realized a truth that has been completely self-evident throghout every moment of our lives but has somehow managed to stay out of conscious awareness. since knowing what we are (by virtue of being it consciously) is the most relevant thing that could possibliy be, residing in a state of prevailing existential unconsciousness creates a deep-rooted and highly invested-in source of dysfunction, of unnecessary suffering.

life is not always easy but it can be an awe-filled, beautiful experience for which one feels an overwhelming sense of gratitude. it can be an adventure filled with adversity but on fire with passionate discovery and flooded by joy, contentment, and love. the alternative (the fear-driven life of ego-identification) is like hell compared to heaven.

the shift in human consciousness from "it's me against the world" to "i am a part of everything i see and everything i see is a part of me" is drastic and radical. it marks the beginning of the end of one thing, and the beginning of quite another. making unmistakable contact with our true nature may not solve all of the issues we think need solving, but it will resolve the one drive that, with or without our awareness, has provided the basis for every experience in our life.

learning vs. self-defense

real growth can result when we choose learning over self-defense. this involves the willingness to accept the imperfect nature of our ego, which consists of an endlessly complex network of illusions, reactions and attachments.

initially, accepting this imperfection is difficult because of our level of identification with the ego; acknowledging its limitations seems tantamount to declaring ourselves "unworthy" or "bad."

with practice, however, sincerity towards the unproductive, unjustified and destructive habits of the ego is tremendously liberating and helps cultivate a healthy sense of humility and humor (there's great freedom in being able to laugh at the ego's foolish nature, in not taking it too seriously).

as we begin to assess our ego objectively, identification is naturally withdrawn from it. facing its limitations no longer entails a defeat but instead represents a victory in that we come one step closer to unearthing the unconscious programs that have been running our lives and concealing our natural propensity for happiness. we begin to clearly perceive a difference between our aware nature and the automatic, unconscious responses of the ego.

"being right" and "being perfect" is no longer a life or death matter once we realize that we are not our ego. when we're right, we win absolutely nothing; when we're wrong, we're not diminished in the slightest. realizing this takes pride out of the equation, allowing us to shine the light of awareness on aspects of our ego we had previously blinded ourselves to.

the pettiness of refusing to acknowledge the limitations of our ego is a huge price to pay for a self-defense mechanism that only serves to keep us entrenched in unconsciousness and suffering. bringing our limitations to light, on the other hand, can become a truly joyful act in that it facilitates the dissolution of yet another obstacle to true peace and happiness.